Bride Price in Norway- Never!!!

Sh 1 Million

Kenyan ladies!

Wednesday night as I  perused through Kenyan newspapers online editions, I came across this story and of course the headline caught my attention. Would you pay Sh1 million for a wife? http://www.nation.co.ke/Features/money/-/435440/1187286/-/item/1/-/13l2rk0/-/index.html

I read the story with a great disgust on my face, as I wondered where are we are headed to as a nation with the so-called educated ladies thinking that their parents needed compensation for educating them. As a lady, I thought this was such a public display of naivety. I just couldn´t stop thinking about this story before I decided to share it on my Facebook wall. I outright quoted this,“If only I can make a decision about my marriage negotiations, my husband to-be will never pay a shilling!! I am PRICELESS!!! I thought, the truth is, common sense is of essence at times.

As I read this story on the Daily Nation, there were only four comments on it, however, as I revisited  the story the following day, I realised that I was on the same thinking as most people with over 300 comments, some of which were so abusive. The truth is, no amount of money can be equated to a womans worthiness. Not at all, whatever her education!

Handsome Kenyan Men

As a woman, I strongly believe in the institution of marriage and I know that one day, God willing it will come a day when my family will sit down to decide on my dowry. I dread this day, because I really can´t imagine anyone can put monetary value on my worthiness.

Dowry or Bride Price

From the very first time I heard about this word “dowry” I didn´t like it. My mum explained it to me. “Dowry, is a token of appreciation given to the brides family as an expression of how grateful the grooms family were for being allowed to marry into a given family. Initially it was in form of shamba harvest, cows, goats or sheep.” She said.

As I grew up I heard of a new term “bride price” and I still asked my mum about it and she gave me different explanations still on the same line of thought. “It does not really have a difference with dowry, the concept is the same. However, times are changing and with intermarriages, then you cannot physically transport cows from, lets say Kisumu to Msambweni, instead you equate that into money and it becomes easy to pay, hence bride price. Note, it is not a price tag put on a womans worthiness,” she insisted on this point.

Norwegians at a Party

Since my primary schooling, and even now when I am old enough to make some sense, I have always been anti-bride price. We have had this discussion not once but several times on a family setting. My parents know how much I dislike it, especially when I think of who they have been to me. Carrying me for nine months and seeing me through the process of birth, this is priceless for my mum. Together with my dad they have supported me in all my endeavours, raised me day and night, cared for me, clothed me, been there for me when I needed them most, took me to the hospital, seen me through 8.4.4 schooling which I consider it my right and not a privilege and therefore, not worthy a compensation.

If you asked me, for any sane woman to put a price on her worthiness is degradation to her value as a human being. After many discussions with my parents, my mum once put it this way “You are very priceless, that I totally agree, especially  for you, you have had too many demands and you even suckled the most.

Norwegian Wedding

If I am to start quoting how much I need for you, you will remain in my house forever.  But, this is what happens, when the day finally comes, be assured we-your parents we may have no say over this. In most cases your uncles and aunties agree on this, as per the traditions of your tribal background. Of course, these vary from tribe to tribe. I know your disgust for bridal price, when the day comes, I will pass your message to all the concerned parties. You are priceless, that I know.” Said my mum.

5000 Kenyan shillings

She later told me about this and it touched my heart. “Recently a man asked for her daughter’s dowry in a very nice way. He said, my daughter at only 26 years, she has been such a great blessing to us as a family. She is the kind of a woman every man would die for. But you are lucky, she choose you and it is love that brings you here to ask for her hand in marriage, all you need to do is to promise that, that same love shall keep you intact forever. That the two of you, shall grow respecting the institution of marriage. If  it pleases you, every month when you are capable of doing so, kindly do send me Kshs. 5000 as my upkeep as long as I shall live”. Said the father. This for me, was the best way of asking for a dowry and I said to my parents, “If you really have to ask for a dowry for me, please go this way.”

International Womens´ day!

Many parents have educated their sons and daughters equally, at least that has been the case with my brothers and sisters, so my argument is, who compensates my parents for having educated my brothers? If education is the only things we are looking for as compensation, for all the many men we schooled together, how will their parents be compensated?

When parents are educating their children, my assumption is they try to make them improve their quality of life and to empower them as “knowledge is power”. Therefore, paying of bride price should never be seen as a refund for the money spent on our education.

Norwegians on Dowry

Yesterday evening, I really tried to ask Norwegians concerning bridal price or better yet dowry and you can be sure, this was a new concept altogether.They know nothing to do with bridal price and I had a tough time explaining what it meant in our society.

Norwegian bride and her father!

 “That  concept has never been applicable in this society and you can be assured no one will ever buy such kind of thinking especially in this modern economy. Initially, the bride parents will foot all the wedding expenses which has always been very expensive. This is changing over time and in most cases, you will find all the three parties contributing towards the wedding. This would be the brides parents, the grooms parents and even the couple.  Contribution by the couple only, is even becoming more popular. This is important to remember, they are contributing towards the wedding, nothing like bridal price or dowry, that has never existed in Norway.” said Hellen representing all the people I asked on the same.

Many more Norwegians were actually hearing about the bride price for the first time. So you can imagine, if I got myself a Norwegian man and I have to present him to my Kenyan family and before I know they are quoting over 1.2 million  (appx 100,000 Noks) as my bride price, I can see him heading for his next flight back to Norway!

Enjoy your weekend ahead!!

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Bride Price in Norway- Never!!!

  1. Me like this very much ……Kenyans all we think is HOW TO MAKE MONEY wrong ways/Ideal or right way/Ideal but it will never work…….had comment about this issue on FB i said women will die single or looking because not all can afford to pay this DOWRY”or so called Bride price”.

    MONEY PAID BEFORE or AFTER YOU MARRY IS NOT LOVE…..how many paid the bride price and now there are Separated or Divorced ?What happened to that money eeeheeee! since there are not together anymore? Watch out!!!!
    MAY GOD HELP US.

    1. Yes Kui, we need to watch out!! Love should be the key in any marriage negotiations, of course we acknowledge that dowry can be paid, I have no problem with it. Only when women overstep the mark and start giving themselves a price tag, something has gone wrong somewhere!! Thank you Kui!!

  2. I was disgusted to read Jeff Koinange’s status update on Twitter yesterday: “If a wives costs 1.2M while a mboch costs only 7k per month, why not marry a mboch instead?” This is the pathetic attitude among most men in Kenya nowadays. No body is willing to pay dowry anymore. Every young man is talking of hustling!! And they still want sex….free sex….what a shame. Basi wawe tayari kuchonga viazi.

    Arguably it is more expensive to raise up a girl child as compared to a boy child. I understand it when parents ask for a token of appreciation for the tough job they did. I can imagine looking after a girl child until she is ready for marriage. I must have spent a fortune on her… I don’t believe that there is anything that is for free including a wife. One must be ready to invest in a good wife. How comes most men are willing to spend ridiculous amounts of money on their cars and not on their wives? I support bride prize/dowry anytime. I paid my bills with my in-laws, why not that bugger who want to flirt with my daughter?

    1. Hehehhehehe Omotto! Great that you support dowry anytime, my guess is as good as yours, you were asked to give a token, that was fine with you, right? That is ok with everyone, the problem just comes when we ladies start pegging price tags on ourselves and let that become the determining factor if we are to get married or not. I feel your bitterness and sad about the pathetic attitude among most men in Kenya nowadays. I like it when you ask, why are they willing to pay so much for their cars and not their wives? Dowry will remain as along we don´t abuse it!! Have a great week ahead Omotto!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s