My Commitment to Ending Gender Violence!!!

My Promise

Late Sarah and baby Nate!

This is my commitment to the late Sarah Wambui, as long as I live, none of the women I know will go through the road that lead to her death! I must confess that last week was the worst week of my life. I love my peaceful sleep, but I spent sleepless nights with a 1001 unanswered questions and felt angry and mad with everyone and even God. My heart filled with sadness, bitterness and generally a feeling of devastation.

Thank you to my family and friends who have continued to console and pray for me during this hard time. Sarah´s death has tortured me and wondered if I could ever get the heart to forgive her suspected murderer, in this case, Moses Dola who has been my friend courtesy of Sarah. I entrusted him with my dear friend, a close confidant and a sister she was to me for the 9 years I have known her. I never had a doubt in their relationship or even a reason doubt their love for each other. Many times I talked to Sarah and she will ask, “ Do you wanna talk to Dola?” “Oh yes, sure let me say hi to him.” Sarah will later tell me, Dola is always asking, “Does Pesho ever get angry? She is always full of life.” What an irony that I have been sad and angry the whole week because of him.

I have regretted knowing and befriending Sarah simply because I feel guilty that I was not there to protect her. Maybe, if only I was in Kenya, she will have told me there was a problem as we always confided in each other since our campus days. Maybe she will be here today. Anyway, God knows it all! I have been talking to her mother since Sarah´s death and I can feel the pain in her voice, the pain of a mother losing her only daughter through such a tragic way.

What next??

Int. Women´s day celebrations!

I have sat down and thought of several options of how to payback Sarah for being a dear friend to me, maybe ask the family to let me be with Sarah´s son and watch over him. But one thing scares the hell out of me, if one day he asks, “ so where did my mother go to?” How do I start to explain that? Sarah is one lady who respected the institution of marriage and protected it to her last breath!

At the graveyard, lies Sarah´s body and my promise to her is, none of our girlfriends will go through what she went through. This has to come to an end. I have made a decision on how to go about this. To all men married to my friends and relatives you have no choice but join me in this. I have drafted a certificate of commitment that you will need to sign it in front of at least 2 witnesses including me. This is also for the men dating my girlfriends, once you tie the note, I will be there to ensure your sign your commitment. For the man who dreams of taking me down the aisle one day or even my two lovely sisters, you will have to sign this in front of the whole family. It may or not be worthwhile but it has to be done. This is the text on my draft commitment certificate:

I…………………. (man´s name) I do declare that I will seek to protect you…………………….(ladie´s name) all the days of our marriage and that I will NEVER raise my hands on you. We will solve our domestic issues in an amicable manner and I will do so as long as the two of us shall live. This is my love commitment to you. Oh God help me. “Real men do not hit women.

Date……………… Signed………………… Witness…………………..

International Women´s day 2011!

This is my promise to Sarah, that for the past one week I have been so tortured and I am not going to go through this again therefore I am going to protect all our girlfriends, relatives and all women at large. If all women came together and joined hands, we will stand and protect ourselves and the lives of those we love and as a result, put an end to violence against women. Soon I will be printing my certificate, and to all men married to my close friends and relatives, I am starting with you. Brenda, Tabitha, Lucy, Triza, Rita, Wawuda, Pauline, I am starting with your husbands.

To men and Women

To all men out there, my plea to you, love your wives and protect them, if you can´t cope with them, let them go, set them free. Talk issues out and learn to talk to your confidants. Pray, Pray, Pray and do more praying. Do not harbour resentments in your hearts. Remind your ladies that you love them and mean what you say.

Women´s weekend out!

For the women, love your men and respect them. Give them the position they so much seek in their marriages and families. Know your man well, learn his personality and know how to deal with him in different situations and know what boundaries not to cross. Submit to your husbands, obey and honour them, the Bible requires that from us. Console and confide in one another even during hardships. Know when to call and shout for help. As one writer said, marriage bedroom should only be for two things, SEX and SLEEP, please let it not turn into a manslaughter room. Stay away from physical, verbal or even psychological abuse. Solve your domestic issues outside the confinement of your bedrooms. These are some four books I will recommend to married couples or even those in relationships to read. I can lend you mine if need be, just get in touch with me.

  1. 1. Act like a Lady, Think Like a man-What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy and Commitment by Steve Harvey.
  2. Secrets of fascinating Womanhood-To show you how to unlock all the love and tenderness in your husband.
  3. Are you my type? I am yours?-Relationships made Easy Through the Enneagram by Renee Baron and Elizabeth Wagele.
  4. The Wisdom of the Enneagram- A complete guide to Psychological and Spiritual Growth for the Nine Personality Types by Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson.

Lets all support each other in this worthy course, ending gender violence in Kenya.

I am personally committed to ending violence against women in Kenya!!

Do have a blessed week ahead!!!


15 thoughts on “My Commitment to Ending Gender Violence!!!

  1. very powerful and touching messege sister thank you very much,i would like to have one copy of your books please(are you my type by Elizabeth Wagele) God bless you

  2. Thank you Patience wherever Wambui is she is smiling for your commitment. I truly support you that none of us should die through the passion of love. If you don’t truly love someone leave then and move on. Life is too precious and no one deserves it cut short.

    1. Yes Willscovia, the day you tie the note, let your husband know that he will have to promise me that he will seek to protect you always. As you say, life is too precious and only God should be the last to make a decision to end it for us! Thank you and God bless you in your endeavors.

  3. My Kid Sis i am touched. And seeing Sarah’s burial on Telly moved me to tears. I felt for her Mom most and the son. For Dola sijui he maybe regretting and cursing himself if he acted out of anger or if it’s something he had pre-planned anajua yeye. I saw him on Telly to and felt for him, he must be going thru hell himself. I pray that God forgives him as that’s what he needs most. As for the son and the lady’s parents i pray God’s comfort and strength as they come to terms with the reality. It’s sad and as you vow to commit yourself into ending this i am behind you. Ladies hii mambo ya kuvumilia tutaacha, the world has changed it’s no longer like what our mothers had. At least Men then had some respect and feared being taken to Baraza za inlaws. Nowadays whatever people smoke wanajua wenyewe. If things aren’t working out. Shout/ share with reasonable mature,trustworthy people, hii mambo ati let everything be confided within the four walls has to come to an end. It’s time we fell the walls of traditions and be free. Those of us who are married should learn from others experiences. Those who are dating or still single i’ll advise you to take your time and learn your partner don’t rush into marriage as it’s a life time covenant and not Contract!

    1. Hi Linda, I get what you say and especially coming from a married woman, then I understand it better. It is a sad state of event for all partners involved, immediate family, relatives and friends but my consolation, God gives and God takes at His own will. May we all learn something out of this encounter! Thank you once more and God bless!

  4. Hi shee. Pole the lose. I never knew u guys were such buddies. Continue being strong 4 her. I totaly agree wt u, its high time all men addrsd issues through dialogue not fist. May God help us.

    1. Hey David, yes she was one of my closest friends, it is a great loss to me but I am consoled she is at her resting place. And for you, you have no choice but protect my sister, I will ensure you sign my commitment to protecting her always. See you soon!!

  5. Good message Pesho. I will share this with my spouse.
    Pump up the energy for dear Sarah.

    On a separate note: Do you think marriage is a necessary evil?
    Do we marry the people we love or do we love the people we
    marry? Should church marriage vows be reviewed?

    1. Thank you Oliver for being ready to share this with your spouse. On marriage being a necessary evil, will gather my reasoning on this and give you my take accordingly!!Mmmmmm, I see your point…“TILL DEATH DO US PART”!!!!!! “FOR BETTER FOR WORSE”!!!!

    2. That’s a great thought Oliver “do we marry for love or marriage?” I just hope all the people out there can have time to reflect on the reason why they commit to marriage. Personally I am still an old school lady who believes in for better or worse till death do them part…we are stronger than evil and we have the power to control ourselves when the worse gets worse take a break!!!!!!!!!!!!

      1. Great reflection Scovia, I agree with you that we are stronger than evil and we have the power to control ourselves when the worse gets to worst. However, the question is, what happens to that control that we let it take control over us and make us do things that we end up regretting for the rest of our lives????

  6. Oh, what a strong message you shared with us. It really touched me. Let’s really do something about this, not just complain. It was really a fantastic idea you had with the “contract “. Good luck with your battle for good relationships between men and women.

  7. Very strong message dear May God give u more and more strength. Am oping all men will learn from this and women please if it can’t work pack your things and move on……we don’t deserve to die like this,God has the final decision.

    I would really like to understand the meaning of this statement “TILL DEATH DO US PART”!!!!!! “FOR BETTER FOR WORSE”!!!!May God help us to do according to what we say(VOWS)does it work now a days or it was for them days?lots of ???? God help us.

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