This is my commitment to the late Sarah Wambui, as long as I live, none of the women I know will go through the road that lead to her death! I must confess that last week was the worst week of my life. I love my peaceful sleep, but I spent sleepless nights with a 1001 unanswered questions and felt angry and mad with everyone and even God. My heart filled with sadness, bitterness and generally a feeling of devastation.
Thank you to my family and friends who have continued to console and pray for me during this hard time. Sarah´s death has tortured me and wondered if I could ever get the heart to forgive her suspected murderer, in this case, Moses Dola who has been my friend courtesy of Sarah. I entrusted him with my dear friend, a close confidant and a sister she was to me for the 9 years I have known her. I never had a doubt in their relationship or even a reason doubt their love for each other. Many times I talked to Sarah and she will ask, “ Do you wanna talk to Dola?” “Oh yes, sure let me say hi to him.” Sarah will later tell me, Dola is always asking, “Does Pesho ever get angry? She is always full of life.” What an irony that I have been sad and angry the whole week because of him.
I have regretted knowing and befriending Sarah simply because I feel guilty that I was not there to protect her. Maybe, if only I was in Kenya, she will have told me there was a problem as we always confided in each other since our campus days. Maybe she will be here today. Anyway, God knows it all! I have been talking to her mother since Sarah´s death and I can feel the pain in her voice, the pain of a mother losing her only daughter through such a tragic way.
I have sat down and thought of several options of how to payback Sarah for being a dear friend to me, maybe ask the family to let me be with Sarah´s son and watch over him. But one thing scares the hell out of me, if one day he asks, “ so where did my mother go to?” How do I start to explain that? Sarah is one lady who respected the institution of marriage and protected it to her last breath!
At the graveyard, lies Sarah´s body and my promise to her is, none of our girlfriends will go through what she went through. This has to come to an end. I have made a decision on how to go about this. To all men married to my friends and relatives you have no choice but join me in this. I have drafted a certificate of commitment that you will need to sign it in front of at least 2 witnesses including me. This is also for the men dating my girlfriends, once you tie the note, I will be there to ensure your sign your commitment. For the man who dreams of taking me down the aisle one day or even my two lovely sisters, you will have to sign this in front of the whole family. It may or not be worthwhile but it has to be done. This is the text on my draft commitment certificate:
I…………………. (man´s name) I do declare that I will seek to protect you…………………….(ladie´s name) all the days of our marriage and that I will NEVER raise my hands on you. We will solve our domestic issues in an amicable manner and I will do so as long as the two of us shall live. This is my love commitment to you. Oh God help me. “Real men do not hit women.”
Date……………… Signed………………… Witness…………………..
This is my promise to Sarah, that for the past one week I have been so tortured and I am not going to go through this again therefore I am going to protect all our girlfriends, relatives and all women at large. If all women came together and joined hands, we will stand and protect ourselves and the lives of those we love and as a result, put an end to violence against women. Soon I will be printing my certificate, and to all men married to my close friends and relatives, I am starting with you. Brenda, Tabitha, Lucy, Triza, Rita, Wawuda, Pauline, I am starting with your husbands.
To men and Women
To all men out there, my plea to you, love your wives and protect them, if you can´t cope with them, let them go, set them free. Talk issues out and learn to talk to your confidants. Pray, Pray, Pray and do more praying. Do not harbour resentments in your hearts. Remind your ladies that you love them and mean what you say.
For the women, love your men and respect them. Give them the position they so much seek in their marriages and families. Know your man well, learn his personality and know how to deal with him in different situations and know what boundaries not to cross. Submit to your husbands, obey and honour them, the Bible requires that from us. Console and confide in one another even during hardships. Know when to call and shout for help. As one writer said, marriage bedroom should only be for two things, SEX and SLEEP, please let it not turn into a manslaughter room. Stay away from physical, verbal or even psychological abuse. Solve your domestic issues outside the confinement of your bedrooms. These are some four books I will recommend to married couples or even those in relationships to read. I can lend you mine if need be, just get in touch with me.
- 1. Act like a Lady, Think Like a man-What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy and Commitment by Steve Harvey.
- Secrets of fascinating Womanhood-To show you how to unlock all the love and tenderness in your husband.
- Are you my type? I am yours?-Relationships made Easy Through the Enneagram by Renee Baron and Elizabeth Wagele.
- The Wisdom of the Enneagram- A complete guide to Psychological and Spiritual Growth for the Nine Personality Types by Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson.
Lets all support each other in this worthy course, ending gender violence in Kenya.
I am personally committed to ending violence against women in Kenya!!
Do have a blessed week ahead!!!